wwe ring
WWE Chairman Vince McMahon says WWE’s new ring is a “never-before-seen way to provide total action, non-stop.”

In what is being described by commentator Michael Cole as “a historic game-changer for sports entertainment,” World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) unveiled today its “unprecedented” new six-sided ring.

The hexagonal ring promises to enable “200 percent action than ever before,” according to the dubious math of a press release issued this morning from the company’s Connecticut headquarters.

WWE Chairman Vince McMahon said the six-sided ring — “which has never been done before in the history of the sport” — is an important part of his overall strategy to boost television ratings.

“The idea of good-guy-versus-bad-guy competing in a four-sided ring is, quite frankly, passe,” McMahon said in a recorded video statement. “You, the audience, are quite frankly tired of having your intelligence insulted by the outdated notion of a ‘squared’ circle.”

The new ring will be officially unveiled at this Sunday’s Royal Rumble, where it will “essentially create more top ropes for competitors to be thrown over,” McMahon said.

According to once backstage source, WWE on-air personalities will be required to describe the new ring as “revolutionary,” and refer to it exclusively as a “hexagonalized circle.”


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