Rollins fan attack
The electrified ringside fence will not only deliver a mild shock to fans who reach out for high-fives but will also deliver a paralyzing targeted electrical pulse to the anus of any fan who dares cross the fence.

Following the recent fan attack on Seth Todd Rollins during Monday Night Raw, World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) announced that all of barriers at ringside will soon be charged with enough electricity to deliver a debilitating jolt to any would-be rail-jumper. 

Starting next month, the entire ringside area will be surrounded by 15,000 feet of intertwined copper wire, charged with roughly 8,000 volts of electricity — more than enough to stun even the gnarliest of plus-sized neckbeards. 

WWE mogul Vince McMahon said during a press conference this morning that “quite frankly, members of the WWE Universe are my cattle, and you’re damn right I’ll use electricity and things of that nature to keep them in line, quite frankly.” 

Human rights activists have decried WWE’s electric-fence idea has “barbaric and morally repugnant,” to which McMahon responded with a heartfelt thank-you letter.

[This was funny, right? I’ve written 3,365 of these stories, so far, over the last decade. Wanna keep it going? Buying a shirt would help a LOT. Thank you. The Kayfabe News guy]





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