World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) has enticed fans worldwide with the solemn promise that, at 9:3o p.m. ET tonight, it will make the biggest, most important, most earth-shattering announcement since the dawn of time.
“This will be the most stunning, staggering and stupendous announcement ever uttered on Earth or anywhere else in the universe,” promised WWE Chairman Vince McMahon.
“The world will be changed forever tonight.”
McMahon then rhymed off a number of other momentous occasions throughout history — the declaration of World War 2 in 1939, the news of JFK’s assassination in 1963, the Big Bang that created the universe — and described them as “trifling nonsense” compared to WWE’s upcoming announcement.
Despite the grandiose nature of the hype, many fans believe the company is merely planning to announce the launch of a wrestling-themed TV network.
This has led many to believe that Vince McMahon may soon fail a Wellness Policy test for the use of performance-enhancing hyperbole.