wwe appreciation
Wrestlers gather in a ring to not wrestle during Wrestling Depreciation Night.

In celebration of the declining role that actual wrestling plays in its on-air programming, World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) hosted a “Wrestling Depreciation Night” on yesterday’s edition of its flagship weekly program, Raw.

The show kicked off, fittingly, not with a wrestling match, but with the standard weekly opening of Hunter Hearst Helmsley yammering interminably into a microphone, and John Cena doing the same.

Wrestling Depreciation Night continued with numerous backstage skits, a 45-second squash of two ham-and-eggers by The Ascension, a screwjob title loss for Dolph Ziggler, multiple firings, and 322 on-air plugs for the WWE Network.

Actual¬†wrestling¬†— the bell-t0-bell performance of wrestlers in dramatic, exciting opposition — has been steadily depreciating in value ever since WWE Chairman Vince McMahon coined the term “sports entertainment” in the 1980s.

The evening in celebration of wrestling’s de-valuation aptly included something called “John Cena Appreciation Night,” which, for all intents and purposes, is synonymous with “Wrestling Depreciation Night.”