STAMFORD, CT — Shock and grief have gripped the world of professional wrestling today after the sport’s most venerated museum, the WWE Hall of Fame, burned to the ground in an overnight fire.
Though no one was injured in the blaze, hundreds of priceless and irreplaceable artefacts were destroyed, including Bob Orton’s cast, the coconut once smashed over Jimmy Snuka’s head, the last remaining vials of Rick Martel’s “Arrogance” perfume, and the taxidermied remains of Matilda the bulldog.
WWE is expected to cancel its upcoming Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony, at which company Chairman Vince McMahon would have officially unveiled the Hall’s new Bushwhackers Memorial Botanical Garden, and the Interactive Stinkface Exhibit.
Stamford Fire Marshall Curtis Thompson told reporters that the inferno is believed to have been started in the Akeem section of the Black History Wing, then spread rapidly through the flammable materials in the Brutus Beefcake Wardrobe Exhibit and the Bret Hart Hair Grease Collection.
Investigators have not yet concluded whether the blaze was accidental or arson, though several witnesses reported seeing a suspicious-looking man leaving the scene shortly before alarms rang.
“The man was tall, muscular, and bald,” said one witness. “And strangely, he was wearing formal business slacks but no shirt.”