WWE fans demand refunds after learning pro wrestling is scripted
Irate fans of World Wrestling Entertainment have besieged cable companies demanding refunds after it was revealed last night that professional wrestling is a scripted spectacle of simulated violence.
“This is an outrage,” one fan wrote in a message to his local cable company.
“I purchased WWE Battleground on pay-per-view based on the assumption that it would be a legitimate sporting competition to determine supremacy between elite athletes. Now I learn that wrestling is phoney-baloney?! ”
Fans worldwide were disenchanted and enraged when news leaked last night that wrestling match outcomes are predetermined, and in-ring animosities greatly exaggerated, in order to enhance the dramatic effect.
For decades, professional wrestling has successfully hidden behind the illusion of legitimacy, despite actually being a microcosm of society in which humankind’s collective biases and conflicts are enacted in a pantomimed morality play.
WWE has announced that it will add a “no refunds” disclaimer to all future pay-per-views, to avoid losing revenue to the chronically dumb.