wwe peacock
Mike Hastings (left) and his new peacock, Vince, are both confused.

As part of an ill-conceived attempt to transfer his WWE Network subscription to NBC streaming service Peacock, local dimwit Mike Hastings is now trapped in his studio apartment with a large Congo male peafowl whose ornate plumage and ear-splitting mating call have not yet yielded any WWE footage.

For the first hour after arriving home with the 11-month-old peacock, Hastings hid in the bathroom while the terrified bird shrieked and flapped its glimmering wings, knocking several LJN action figures off Hastings’ nightstand and uncontrollably defecating.

When Hastings failed at several attempts to plug the bird’s tailfeathers into his internet router, he called the rare-bird dealer from whom he had bought his “subscription” to Peacock, only to discover that the animal dealer was now in prison. 

Hastings remains puzzled regarding how to connect to the new NBC/WWE streaming service, and is considering driving to the Thunderdome to watch wrestling live, but he is reportedly getting accustomed to life with his new feathered friend.

He named the peacock “Vince” because, as everyone knows thanks to the rooster-themed pranks of D-Generation X, Vince loves animals. 


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