WWe evolution
An unverified photo purported to depict Woman Weigns.

Following the mind-bogglingly, Earth-shatteringly historic announcement of an upcoming all-women pay-per-view called Evolution, World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) further revealed that the event will feature the debut of a mysterious newcomer named Woman Weigns.

Nicknamed “The Big Bitch,” Weigns is reportedly of Samoan descent, which means there is a 97.3 percent likelihood that she is a cousin of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.

It is believed that Weigns played collegiate field hockey for Georgia Tech, then played a full season in the Canadian Field Hockey League (CFHL) for the Edmonton Dazzlers.

According to one inside source, Weigns has several devastating moves in her arsenal, including the Superwoman Punch and a modified spear called the She-ar.

Some fans are worried that WWE matchmakers will “push” Woman Weigns too soon, though fans are expressing similar concerns about another newcomer to the women’s division named Bobbi Lashes.

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