So-called “cancel culture” has finally come for World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE), forcing the company to revise much its music library to eliminate non-inclusive terminology lest it face widespread boycottery.

Keen-eared fans may have noticed, during Hulk Hogan’s recent appearance on WWE programming, that his theme song contained the revised lyrics: “I am a real American, fight for the rights of everyone.” 

Hogan’s iconic theme song, originally performed by Rick Derringer, with “updated” lyrics performed by Chad Kroeger of Nickelback.

“If you hurt my friends then you hurt my pride,” sings Kroeger, “I gotta be a friend, I shan’t pick a side!”

Numerous other classic WWE theme songs have been updated to “better reflect the company’s commitment to making an inclusive safe space for all,” including: 

• Honky Tonk Man’s theme: “I’m a Honky Tonk Musician, I’m courteous, I’m confident, I’m b-b-b-b-b-b-big-hearted.” 
• Shawn Michaels’ theme: “I think I’m nice, I know I’m friendly. I’ve got the emotional intelligence that drives meaningful dialogue!” 
• DX theme: Are you ready? You think you can ask us nicely what to do?
  You think you can ask us what to wear?
  You think that we’re equals?
  Well, you better believe it!
  Go earn your Master’s…
  Shake it down!
• Demolition theme: “Here comes one friend, here come the other, The Demographic, walking together. Painting and Scrapbooks, are our middle names. 
• Billy Gunn theme: I’m a brass man, yeah I’m a brass man. I like to play ’em. I like to hear ’em. I like the tuba, I enjoy the trumpet. I play the French horn. I’m learning trombone. ‘Cause I’m a brass man. Yeah I’m a brass man.”
• Wrestling Album 2 ensemble: “If you only knew, what’d I’d like to do with you, you’d be putting on your favorite pair of dancing shoes!”