World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) made another important stride toward gender equality today with the announcement that, at the upcoming Royal Rumble pay-per-view, eight men will compete in a Lingerie Pillow Fight.
During WWE’s less-progressive past, the Lingerie Pillow Fight was a match reserved only for female competitors (or “Divas,” as they were known before the enlightenment), but such days of patriarchal discrimination are over.
“In 2018, the men of WWE finally get all the same opportunities the female Superstars have enjoyed for so long,” said company Chairman Vince McMahon.
“Quite frankly,” he added, “WWE is now leading the world in progressive, inclusive, non-discriminatory policymaking.”
The Lingerie Pillow Fight will see eight competitors — Brock Lesnar, Braun Strowman, AJ Styles, Kevin Owens, Kane for some reason, Sami Zayn, John Cena and Randy Orton — pummel one another with fluffy pillows until only one scantily clad competitor is left standing, or until the five-minute time limit has elapsed, whichever comes first.
Pundits are divided as to whether the men will be able to uphold the high standard of excellence set by previous Lingerie Pillow Fights, including these classics:
- Stacy Kiebler vs. Terri Runnels, RAW, Sept. 2, 2002 (Five-star rating from the Wrestling Observer Newsletter)
- Tori Wilson vs. Candice Michelle, WrestleMania 22, April 2, 2006 (Match of the Year from Pro Wrestling Illustrated)
- Ashley Massaro vs. Maria Kanellis vs. Mickie James, vs Melina vs. Jillian Hall, Raw, January 7, 2008 (widely considered the greatest professional wrestling match of all time).
According to backstage rumors, the winner of the Lingerie Pillow Fight will earn a chance to compete at WrestleMania against the Undertaker in a Bra and Panties match.