Baron Corbin undertaker
Baron Corbin insists he has the perfect charisma to play an undead, lumbering zombie.

World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) announced this morning that a new reality show on the company’s video streaming network will chronicle the audition process to find a new wrestler to portray The Undertaker. 

Titled “America’s Next Top Deadman,” the program will feature contestants performing a set of The Undertaker’s signature moves, from the arena-illuminating arm raise to the slow-hat-removal the eyes-rolled-back-tongue-jut. 

The man who portrayed The Undertaker for more than two decades, Marcus Alexander Calaway, will be a judge on the show, alongside Heidi Klum, Howie Mandel, and the Undertaker’s greatest opponent, Nathan Jones. 

Portraying The Undertaker is considered one of the highest honors in sports entertainment, up there with headlining WrestleMania and being a Funkadactyl. 

According to leaked documents, contestants vying to become the next Undertaker include:

  • Baron Corbin
  • Shinsuke Nakamura
  • Abyss
  • Fake Diesel
  • Isaac Yankem
  • Kane
  • Glenn Jacobs
  • Hornswoggle sitting on Hunico’s shoulders and wearing a long trenchcoat

“Now that I’m resting in peace in retirement,” said Calaway, “let’s find out who will urn the right to carry on the Undertaker role. Get it? Urn? I’m hilarious.”