curt hawkins 2k18
Gluttons for punishment can play WWE 2K18 as Curt Hawkins, who never makes it past the tutorial section of career mode.

In one of the most realistic updates ever to the popular WWE 2K videogame franchise, the soon-to-be-released 2K18 instalment of the game will not allow gamers using Curt Hawkins to achieve a victory of any kind. 

“Even the most expert players will find it impossible to guide Hawkins to a victory,” said Scott O’Shea, the game’s chief developer. “It’s so realistic, you’ll think you’re actually controlling an episode of Raw.”

The game’s artificial intelligence is so advanced that Hawkins will lose even if facing women, commentators, James Ellsworth, or create-a-wrestler characters deliberately made as weak as possible. The referee will never see his opponents cheating, but will disqualify Hawkins for the slightest hint of rulebending. 

No matter what players do to “level-up” Hawkins, including the use of weapons and outside interference, the game will always handicap Hawkins with some insurmountable impediment. 

For instance, if a gamer tries to play with Hawkins in a match against Brock Lesnar, Braun Strowman, or even Nia Jax, Hawkins will sprain his ankle by slipping in a puddle of his own urine, thus forfeiting the match.