Video game company Yuke’s announced today the upcoming release of WWE 3K15, a simulation of World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) action as it is predicted to unfold 1,000 years in the future.
In the game, players will assume the role of a WWE NeuroGrappler® (or customize their own character in the game’s Create-A-NeuroGrappler mode), and square off in a series of psychokinetic deathmatches against Heuristically Engineered Electromorphic LinguaBots (or HEELs).
In the game’s story mode, the player must overthrow the HEEL regime that seized control of WWE from the HelmsleyTron Hologram at WresleMania 842.
Players will utilize a full arsenal of devastating maneuvers — the CyberSuplex, the Figure-Nine Tentacle-Lock, the Crab From the Smoking Rubble Once Known as Boston — to compete in matches that have no time limit, because the existence of time was disproven by Stephen Hawking’s great, great, great, great grandson.
The game will be released on Novembarch 39th, 3014, and available onPlayStation 37, Xbox Nano, or downloadable directly into the player’s cerebellum, for a suggested retail price of 3.7 million CyberYuan.
Yuke’s has confirmed a partial roster for WWE 3K15, which includes:
- Y3K Chris Jericho (thawed after a thousand-year cryogenic slumber)
- The Real Max Moon
- Paul Helmsley-McMahon-Turner-Carter-Sapolsky-Wyatt VI
- Shockwave the Robot
- Ric Flair’s body operated by alien parasite (as always)
- A ColeBot that repeats advertisements for WWE products one billion times per second
- A large blob of jiggly silicone that has replaced the entire Divas division
Yuke’s also announced that, if WWE 3K15 is a success, the next instalment of the franchise will be WWE 1K15, in which players can re-enact the Battle of Clontarf between the Gaelic armies of Ireland and Viking invaders (with commentary by a KingLawler3000 cybernetic QuipBot).