People who watch professional wrestling are “gullible” for buying into a “phony” charade with preposterous storylines, according to 47-year-old Dylan Marley, a devout believer in the so-called QAnon theory, which holds that Donald Trump will save the world from an evil cabal of child-eating Democrats. 

“Wrestling is so bogus,” said Marley, a sandwich artist who believes that Hillary Clinton drinks the adrenalized blood of children. “WWE is like a crazy soap opera for lonely men!” 

Marley says he “used to watch wrestling as a kid,” but then “outgrew” wrestling when he discovered the online community of 4Chan, a forum for investigative citizen-journalism where male virgins decode cryptic “breadcrumbs” from a government insider with top-secret access to information known only as Q. 

In one recent online rant, Marley said he “outgrew” wrestling when he realized it is a “work,” which affords him more free time to research how face-masks are an oxygen-depriving means of government mind control.