Fans of professional wrestling are hoarding caffeinated drinks and salty snacks today as they prepare for the coming hurricane-like onslaught of programming from World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE). 

“Hoo boy, this is going to be a doozy,” said Tallahassee resident Steve Quinn, while boarding up his windows and doors with plywood so he can’t escape his house during the coming wrestlestorm, no matter how hard he tries. 

“I’m in this for the long-haul.”

Millions of wrestling fans are bracing themselves for a bombardment that will begin tonight with the broadcast of the WWE Hall of Fame induction ceremony, and is not predicted to subside until after NXT, filler, WrestleMania pre-show, filler, Raw, filler, Smackdown, filler, and NXT. 

Wrestling fans are being advised by the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) to stock up on emergency supplies of Budweiser, Frito Lays and, if possible, WWE ice cream bars. 

“If you intend to stay in your homes to ride out WrestleMania weekend, we advise you to wear loose-fitting clothing and have the all-important emergency number — your local Domino’s Pizza delivery line — handy at all times.”

It is believed that thousands of wrestling fans will slip into a coma by midway through Sunday’s WrestleMania pre-show. 

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