hospital patient watching tv
None of his coma-dreams about wrestling ever had Terra Ryzing running WWE, because that’s just “too weird.”

Awake after nearly three decades in a coma, avid wrestling fan Terry Greer expressed confusion and dismay at the realization that Terra Ryzing wields executive power over World Wrestling Entertainment.

Greer opened his eyes and saw WWE Raw on the television above his hospital bed — a program his family members diligently turned on every Monday night in hopes that it would rouse him from his vegetative slumber ever since he “tried this at home” with a botched trampoline moonsault. 

In a raspy whisper, the long-bearded Greer spoke his first words since 1994: “Is… is… is that… Terra Ryzing?”

He was referring to the sharply dressed Hunter Hearst Helmsley (or Triple-H), heir to the WWE sports-entertainment juggernaut, who briefly portrayed Terra Ryzing in the early 1990s.

During his unconscious years, Greer was oblivious to Helmsley’s progression from Terra Ryzing to a snooty Frenchman to a Connecticut blueblood to a main-event star to a fratboy d-bag prankster to a corporate executive.

Greer also expressed shock at a number of other developments that he never could have predicted, and peppered his caregivers with questions:

  • “There’s a WWE Hall of Fame, and Randy Savage isn’t in it!?”
  • “Wait, Stunning Steve Austin is considered a legend!?”
  • “How’s the Undertaker’s streak going?” 

Nobody has yet had the heart to tell Greer that his favorite promotion, WCW, is kaput.


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