wrestling gay
Wrestling fans, who insist they’re straight, clamour to touch John Cena’s bare, rippling torso.

A recent survey conducted at a World Wrestling Entertainment event has revealed, shockingly, that wrestling audiences are primarily made up of adult heterosexual males.

The discovery has been called “baffling” by the statistical analysis firm that conducted the research.

“We just can’t explain the results,” said Dr. Leo Knill, Director of Analytics for PollGroup International.

“Why on earth would so many grown heterosexual men gather to watch oiled-up body builders roll around in a colorful spectacle? It’s completely counter-intuitive.”

According to the research, professional wrestling’s garish display of soap-opera theatrics performed by half-naked men in spandex should only appeal to children, women and homosexual men.

The study cited several examples — such as a handsome and muscular wrestler in pink tights named Dolph Ziggler, and backstage squabbling between catty tarts — that should not, in theory, appeal to straight adult males.

The research concluded that at least 90 percent of wrestling fans must either be developmentally delayed or still in the closet.