Sources within World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) confirmed this morning that the highly anticipated main event match at the annual WrestleMania extravaganza this March will see champion Brock Lesnar square off against the entire WWE roster.
Succumbing to overwhelming demand from wrestling fans (or the “WWE Universe,” as they have allowed themselves to be branded), the company booked the match to ensure every supposedly “buried” wrestler in the company would get a “push” by facing Lesnar.
“Screw it,” WWE executive Hunter Hearst Helmsley was overheard saying in a meeting yesterday. “Everybody gets a freaking shot at Lesnar at ‘Mania. That’ll shut up the smarks.”
The unprecedented one-on-49 handicap match will see Lesnar defend his championship (a rare occurrence even at the best of times) against Zack Ryder, Mark Henry, both Usos, the Ascension, The Undertaker, a returning Boogeyman, Luke Harper, Heath Slater, all the Divas, John Cena, Los Matadores, the Big Show, Hornswoggle, and several-dozen more.
Faced with such a serious handicap, wrestling experts are unsure how the roster will fare against their superior opponent.
It is widely believed that Lesnar will make short work of the competition, retain his title, and defend it again sometime in 2018.
The only WWE Superstar not scheduled to compete in the WrestleMania main event, thanks to a petition from fans, is Roman Reigns.