soccer fake injuries
Whereas wrestlers like Johnny Gargano may slightly exaggerate their pain, they cannot sell with the mastery of flippy-floppy soccer sissies.

Despite the longstanding belief that professional wrestlers are masters of dramatically exaggerating (or “selling”) their pain, the World Cup has demonstrated that players of soccer (or “football,” as it is sometimes erroneously called) are the actual masters of faking injuries.

During today’s World Cup match between Noraguay and Tamsamia (final score after seven hours: 0 – 0), no fewer than 17 players fell to the ground, clutching their shins in mock agony, despite not actually having come into contact with another player or object.

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“God as my witness, he is broken in haaaaaallllllllffffffff,” hollered commentator Fernando Fiore every time a player pretended to be hurt during the game.

Whereas wrestlers are adept at “bumping” before selling their injuries, soccer players practice “flopping,” which is far more dramatic and theatrical and preposterous.

Professional wrestlers, by contrast, try to make their “selling” look at least somewhat believable. For example, wrestlers will “sell” an “injured” leg for the duration of a match, rather than magically recovering after a medic spritzes the leg with some kind of magical spray, as happens in soccer with hilarious results.

The World Cup is generally considered “The WrestleMania of Soccer,” with the key difference being that WrestleMania is not soul-shatteringly dull.