orton lesnar
Orton no longer has voices — or three pints of blood — in his head, thanks to a shaved albino gorilla.

The persistent voices in Randy’s Orton’s head — the ones who have been known to counsel him, to understand — have reportedly escaped via the laceration inflicted on his scalp by Brock Lesnar at SummerSlam.

According to the referee who stopped the match, at least a half-dozen different voices were heard murmuring and wailing as they exited Orton’s cranium amid a torrent of blood.

For years, Orton’s head-voices are believed to have inspired his viper-like countenance, encouraging him to attack hapless victims with his dreaded RKO outta various places (typically described as “nowhere”).

It took 10 staples to close the gash, and doctors believe only one voice remained: the one that encourages Orton to make bad decisions at tattoo shops.

As the other voices were fleeing through the gash, a fan sitting at ringside claimed to have clearly heard what one was saying:

“Screw you, Brock,” the voice said, “we’re supposed to fake it.”