Randy Orton boring
The voices in Randy Orton’s head think a House of Horrors match is more entertaining than a high-flying indy match. 

The ubiquitous voices Randy Orton hears in his head (the ones that counsel him, that understand) are, judging by a series of recent tweets, kind of dickish.

Orton, who barely wrestled on the independent circuit because his surname is Orton, was advised by the toady, self-satisfied voices in his head to mock the independent wrestling circuit.

In the Twitter rants, he refers to wrestling fans as “marks” and pokes fun at inexperienced and has-been wrestlers performing for small crowds at armories, as he will likely be doing by the year 2027.

The voices in Orton head, which evidently have only a tenuous grasp on English grammar and syntax, also counsel him to brag about the size of his bank account, which is the hallmark boast of 85 percent of men diagnosed with severe micropenis disorder.

What the voices in Orton’s head seemingly fail to realize, however, is that a typical indy wrestling show is immeasurably more fun than watching an RKO outta nowhere for the billionth goddamn time.