After decades as the most powerful promoter in professional wrestling, WWE mogul Vince McMahon is reportedly beginning to suspect that his beloved sport might not be entirely on the up-and-up.
McMahon, who almost singlehandedly transformed wrestling from a regional attraction to a multinational empire, told close friends this week he is “deeply puzzled” by aspects of the sport that seem scripted and implausible.
According to one who wished to be identified only as P. Levesque, McMahon’s suspicions were raised after he noticed that every WWE event he could remember ended almost exactly on time — a highly unlikely scenario given the unpredictable nature of the in-ring action.
McMahon’s personal twitter account, @GeneticJackhammer69, provides more evidence of his growing concerns:
- How come nothing important ever happens at @WWE house shows? #WTF
- Now that I really watch it, @JohnCena’s #FiveKnuckleShuffle doesn’t look like it would hurt at all. #Weird
- Why are there random kendo sticks, sledgehammers and leprechauns under the ring?
- Kinda strange that matches never end during commercial break, except for that time @KayfabeNews correctly predicted it: http://ow.ly/NY8Jr #LOL
McMahon assumes his suspicions about wrestling are just the nonsensical musings that accompany advanced age, and nobody has the heart to tell him any different because he’s such an adorable mark.