Vince McMahon troops
Vince McMahon during happier, more geopolitically unstable times.

Sources close to Vince McMahon say the professional wrestling impresario is quietly hoping for another Gulf War because it would be “great for business.”

McMahon is said to be “yearning a good old-fashioned American ass-kicking against sandy Wherever-istan,” according to one source who spoke to Kayfabe News on condition of anonymity.

McMahon is unabashedly patriotic, and his World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) programming frequently features on-air acknowledgements of the United States Armed Forces, as well as a blatantly jingoistic annual “Tribute to the Troops” broadcast.

Muscular, flag-waving American heroes are frequently featured on such programs defeating dastardly foreign foes, supplemented by the strains of a teary-eyed Lilian Garcia belting out American the Beautiful.

Such programming, however, sees dwindling ratings during peacetime, which has reportedly prompted McMahon to yearn for happier, more geopolitically unstable times.

According to a friend of the McMahon family, McMahon is starting to get desperate, and “would settle for a minor military skirmish anywhere in the darker-skinned parts of the world.”