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Robert Van Dam awoke craving leftover pizza and wondering what that weird phone call last night was about.

Professional sports entertainer Rob Van Dam is struggling today to remember his intentions when, during a particularly hazy evening herbal therapy, he scrawled the words “Hal of Fam” on a Zig Zag rolling paper. 

“Who the eff is this Hal guy?” murmured Van Dam (real name Rob Van Winkle).

“And what’s the deal with his family?” added Van Dam, bleary-eyed and suddenly ravenously hungry. “Whatever, I guess.”

Van Dam is confident the words scribbled on the rolling paper are written in his handwriting — in his favorite color of crayon, mauve — and he vaguely recalls someone named Paul from WWE calling last night about… something. 

Van Dam was also puzzled by all the messages of congratulations on his phone, and just assumed people had again mistaken him for his brother, Jean-Claude.

But the wrestler is accustomed to not retaining information, since only his feet are educated. 


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