USA Network censors Cesaro’s nipples
Following a slew of complaints from TV watchdogs about “borderline-pornographic” content on the air, the USA Network has begun digitally censoring the oversized nipples of professional wrestler Cesaro.
Irate parents and church groups from across the country have besieged the network ever since Cesaro first appeared on World Wrestling Entertainment’s weekly flagship program, Monday Night Raw.
According to a press release issued by the USA Network: “Cesaro’s ample areolae violate our Code of Ethics in Broadcast, and they will be henceforth pixellated to avoid causing any further offence.”
The unusual proportions of Cesaro’s nipples, combined with the firm and perky curvature of his pectoral muscles, has reportedly caused thousands of adolescent boys worldwide to admit confusion and tingly feelings.
Cesaro’s nipples are believed to be the largest in World Wrestling Entertainment, even compared to those that have accidentally popped out of Divas’ skimpy spandex outfits.
The USA Network announced that it may also begin censoring all footage of the Cesaro Swing, because the maneuver has “obvious phallic overtones.”