Legendary professional wrestler The Undertaker made an awe-inspiring, albeit confusing, return to WWE last night, delivering a cryptic promo that left many fans perplexed as to its true meaning.
But a team of linguists well-versed in the language of the undead has decoded his veiled intent: he was trying to figure out where he left his favorite trenchcoat and wide-brimmed hat.
During a brief, ominous monologue, the Deadman referred to “this sacred ground of evil,” referring to the ring where he accidentally left his hat and coat following his match against Roman Reigns at WrestleMania last year.
The Phenom went on to describe how he has thrown WWE legends into the “cold earth,” which was an allusion to the chilliness he has felt since losing his leather attire.
Many fans and pundits believe the Undertaker retired after losing to Reigns, but in actuality he has been travelling the globe in a tireless search for his missing clothing.
He ended the promo by saying it is time to “truly rest in peace,” because he finally caved and bought himself a new coat and hat at at a Death Valley-area TJ Maxx.