Undertaker trombone
The Undertaker sobs quietly to himself upon discovering Xavier Woods’ trombone backstage, disappointed that he didn’t think of it first.

Legendary professional wrestler The Undertaker, desperate to breathe some new life into his stagnating on-air persona, is reportedly jealous of Xavier Woods’ popular trombone gimmick.

“Dangit,” the Undertaker was heard murmuring at a WWE event, while watching Woods on a backstage monitor. “That would have been perfect for me.”

For more than two decades, The Undertaker has portrayed a magical zombie who can telekinetically brighten and dim arena lighting (except for a brief, unfortunate period when he portrayed a leather-clad Limp Bizkit fan on a motorbike).

Friends and family of the so-called Deadman say he has been yearning for a new schtick ever since his embarrassing loss to Brock Lesnar at WrestleMania 30, and he has been toying with the idea of playing a brass instrument.

Backstage sources say the Undertaker was “sulky and whiney” when Woods debuted the trombone, because the Phenom had just purchased a tuba earlier that day.

The Undertaker faced similar disappointment several years ago when, on the verge of reinventing himself as a ballroom dancer, Fandango stole his idea.