Fans of World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) are abuzz today after longtime wrestling journalist Dan Mutzler “absolutely confirmed” that the SummerSlam pay-per-view in August will feature the returns of The Undertaker, Sting, “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, and Andre the Giant.

“These things happen when ratings go down,” Meltzer said on his Wrestling Revealer Radio show, “though the Andre thing has been planned for months.”

Although WWE has not officially announced any matches or surprise appearances for SummerSlam, dozens of online wrestling journalists whose connections to the company are tenuous at best “guaran-damn-tee” that SummerSlam will see countless implausible surprises.

According to WWERumorz.net, Andre the Giant — having returned from the grave thanks to the restorative powers of DDP Yoga — will finally do battle with The Big Show, who is expected to turn heel, then face, then heel, then face, then heel again by the time SummerSlam rolls around.

A Twitter user by the name of @WrestleLeaks_69, meanwhile, confirmed with “110 percent sertainty” that Steve Austin will square off against a returning King Kong Bundy in a hair-versus-hair match.

WWE has neither confirmed nor denied the rumors, which among wrestling journalists is generally considered a confirmation.