Legendary professional wrestler The Undertaker enjoyed another lazy day of semi-retirement today, loafing on his sofa, eating Hagen-Dazs straight out of the container and watching infomercials.
Covered in a tattered old Snuggie stained with orange Cheeto dust, the Phenom dozed periodically as TV salespeople prattled about new steam cleaners and juice machines.
Several months have passed since The Undertaker was last seen in a WWE ring, during which time he has enjoyed plenty of “me time” — snacking generously, playing Call of Duty 4 online and, on rare occasions, bathing himself.
Acquaintances of The Deadman say he is taking a much-deserved break after decades of relentless touring and gruelling matches in World Wrestling Entertainment.
He doesn’t have any wrestling matches booked at the moment, so he figures he has lots of time to lose the 144 pounds he has gained since his last WWE appearance.
He recently signed up for Zumba classes, but has yet to actually participate in one.