Having finally realized the full magnitude of his streak-ending loss at WrestleMania 30, legendary pro wrestler The Undertaker has officially submitted a request for a do-over.
“Can we make that match, you know, not count?” the so-called Phenom wrote this morning in an email sent to World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) Rules Committee.
“I wasn’t ready. The three-count was fast. My tights were too tight.”
The message continues in a similar manner, with The Undertaker offering a bevy of excuses for the loss to Brock Lesnar, and reasons why the result should be stricken from the record in favor of a rematch.
“I had a cold,” writes the Deadman, whose 21-match winning streak at WrestleMania was one of the most revered records in sports entertainment. “Paul Heyman was distracting me. I thought it was a two-out-of-three-falls match. Can I take a mulligan?”
The simpering email is uncharacteristic of the Undertaker, typically a stoic man of few words who many expected would retire after the monumental loss to Lesnar.
Some wrestling pundits believe The Undertaker’s request for a do-over match will be granted, and the losing WrestleMania effort will be quietly erased from the record books. WWE did, after all, did promote a match between John Cena and The Rock as “Once in a Lifetime,” and then hold the same match the following year.