Undertaker adjusts brightness of reading lamp by ominously raising arms
Legendary professional wrestler The Undertaker found himself straining his eyes to read his local newspaper after dusk yesterday, so he brightened a nearby lamp by outstretching his tattooed arms and slowly raising them.
As he made the eerie gesticulation, an ethereal mist swirled around his living room as the lamp brightened, and a thunderclap echoed eerily outside his Death Valley home.
“That’s better,” he said, adjusting his bifocals and returning to his La-Z-Boy recliner.
He then rolled his eyes back into his head so that only the whites were exposed — a technique he uses to stretch his ocular muscles, which grow weary easily due to his nearsightedness.
As a funeral dirge played on the nearby stereo, The Undertaker returned to reading a particularly funny strip of the comic Sherman’s Lagoon.