Spray tan wrestling
The new John Cena action figure with his bottle of spray tan. Body hair shaving kit not included.

Toymaker Mattel has announced a new line of ultra-realistic WWE action figures that come with their own bottles of spray-on tan.

“We know our customers want the most realistic action figures possible,” said Mattel spokesperson Laura Sullivan.

“That’s why our newest line of action figures arrive with pasty, pale, newly-shaven skin that requires spray-tanning in order to achieve the radiant, artificial glow fans have come to expect from WWE superstars”

Mattel also plans to release a Deluxe Collectors’ Set of the action figures, which also come with little bottles of baby-oil to smear on their muscles and a spritzer bottle of water to wet down their hair before matches.

The Sheamus action figure, however, comes with none of these items.

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