wwe 2k18
WWE 2K18 will require players to endure long, vaguely homoerotic arguments between Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins

Billed as the most realistic wrestling video game to date, the soon-to-be-released WWE 2K18 will require gamers to play for several mostly uneventful hours, whether they want to or not. 

In the game’s hyper-realistic new “Broadcast Mode,” players will begin by slowly guiding their character to the ring to deliver a 17-minute promo, followed by a bloated six-man-tag match interrupted by two commercial breaks. 

In a brand-new feature, the “off” button of players’ Xbox or PS4 will be disabled until a full three hours of gameplay have elapsed — or four hours in the game’s “Weekly Pay-Per-View Mode.”

“Past WWE videogames have placed an emphasis on stellar graphics, an improved moveset or a large roster,” reads a press release about the game, “but in this installment we wanted to perfectly re-create the grueling feeling of watching WWE programming.”

Other features that will enhance the realism of the game include:

  • 20-Minute Rollins-Ambrose Fistbump Deliberation Mode
  • Recap Mode, in which the first hour of gameplay is replayed during the second
  • Colonel Sanders vs. Chicken Ironman Match
  • Enzo Promo Mode (full three hours)
  • Balor-versus-Orton-versus-Undertaker Entrance Mode (full four hours)

Early reviews of the game call it “realistically exhausting” and “believably bedraggling.”