Falls count nowhere
John Cena is visibly befuddled by the Falls Count Nowhere stipulation.

After nearly four hours with no end in sight, a pair of exhausted wrestlers continue to battle in what was mistakenly booked as a “falls count nowhere” match.

Neither Dean Ambrose nor opponent John Cena  noticed the typographical error on their match contract, which was reportedly drafted in haste by a WWE intern.

Both men appeared shocked when ring announcer Lilian Garcia stated at a recent house show that “falls will not count anywhere inside or outside the ring.”

Making matters worse, each man knows all the reversals to the other’s favored submission holds. What’s more, both men refuse to win via count-out, because count-out victories are lame.

The audience inside the Kemper Arena in Kansas City has begun chanting “Please God stop this (clap-clap-clapclapclap).”

Both Ambrose and Cena are drenched in sweat and gasping for air, desperately trying to figure out a way to win the match.

They were hoping for a one-hour draw, but the poorly written contract failed to include a time limit.