During his landmark address to Congress last night, US President Donald Trump received a 19-minute standing ovation after he announced that he will have the prestigious honor of singing America the Beautiful at WrestleMania.
“Nobody sings that song better than me,” boasted Trump, eliciting several more standing ovations. “Aretha Franklin, Ray Charles, Fifth Harmony? Bad. Sad. Sadbad.”
According to a press release issued this morning by World Wrestling Entertainment, the April 2 spectacular in Orlando will begin with a 12-hour pre-show, followed by First Lady Melania Trump leading the crowd in the Lord’s Prayer, followed by the President performing America the Beautiful with accompaniment by alt-rockers 3 Doors Down.
Trump mouthpiece Kellyanne Conway said on CNN today that the President will sing some “alternative lyrics” to the iconic song, including:
For orange waves of hair,
For big casino majesties
Above the paved-over plain!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee (but only the male Christian God, the best God)
And crown thy good with brotherhood (but mainly among people born in America)
From sea to non-rising sea!
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