During his daily news briefing today, WWE Hall of Famer and US “President” Donald Trump continued his recommendations for unproven medical treatments, this time suggesting that infected people can “get better, like a miracle” by shaving the head of your foe. 

“I did it, and I’m not sick, so…” said Trump, referring to his public humiliation of WWE promoter Vince McMahon at WrestleMania 23. 

“Vince isn’t sick either,” Trump continued, “so clearly there is something to head-shaving that prevents this unseen Chinese threat from taking your liberty.”

Doctors and experts have been quick to dismiss Trump’s head-shaving strategy as unproven and potentially dangerous, but the President doubled-down on his claim, insisting that “thousands will be saved” if he is given the chance to shave the head of Rosie O’Donnell. 

Dr. Anthony Fauci, the top expert on the White House pandemic team, equivocated that Trump is “not entirely not unwrong,” adding that physical distancing is “roughly 100 percent more effective” than head-shaving. 

Prediction: this story will become true within 10 days.