Trump pardon
Donald Trump (left, just to clarify, because he could be mistaken for the one in the middle) pardoned the Gobbledy Gooker (middle) yesterday.

WWE Hall of Famer and US “President” Donald Trump took a White House tradition in a new direction yesterday when, instead of pardoning a normal Thanksgiving turkey, he granted clemency to the Gobbledy Gooker.

“Wow, big bird,” Trump said as he approached half-man-half-turkey abomination, which hatched from a giant egg at WWF Survivor Series in 1990.

“That turkey is bigger than Rosie O’Donnell, and clucks like crooked Hillary,” he added. “I know all the best insults.”

Reporters gathered at the annual photo-op were unsure as to whether Trump realized the Gobbledy Gooker was actually a man (Hector Guerrero) in a costume, or whether he thought it was a real hybrid biological specimen worth eating.

At one point Trump asked his wife, First Lady Melania, if “they have turkeys this big wherever you’re from,” to which she replied with a shake of the head, a deep sigh, and a single tear that trickled down her cheek.

When an aide told Trump that the Gobbledy Gooker was a preposterous, pointless¬†and universally disliked¬†character from the garbage heap of WWE history, the president replied: “Oh, just like me!”