WWE Hall of Famer and US “President” Donald J. Trump issued a stern warning to North Korean leader Kim Jong-un today, demanding that “all production of spewable green mist must stop,” and that “any spew-attacks on American eyeballs will be met with a hot babyface comeback.”
While geopolitical experts insist that a nuclear strike is a more plausible threat from North Korea, Trump seems to have learned everything he knows about Asian aggressors from professional wrestling.
Trump’s statement continued: “America will not tolerate devious threats of any kind, whether it be the throwing of salt, knife-edge karate chops, or cheap-shots with a cane while the referee is distracted.”
Sources close to Trump say the president is particularly worried that North Korea might strike with a Bonzai Drop, or even a Michinoku Driver.
Trump recently called off a historic summit with North Korean leadership, reportedly fearing someone might try to “choppy choppy his pee-pee,” according to one source.
North Korea’s state-run media broadcast Kim Jong-un’s response to this allegation, in which he simply replied “Indeed,” though his lips were strangely out-of-sync with the sound of his voice.