wrestling green mist
Experts believe North Korea now has the ability to spew green mist as far as the west coast of America.

WWE Hall of Famer and US “President” Donald J. Trump issued a stern warning to North Korean leader Kim Jong-un today, demanding that “all production of spewable green mist must stop,” and that “any spew-attacks on American eyeballs will be met with a hot babyface comeback.”

While geopolitical experts insist that a nuclear strike is a more plausible threat from North Korea, Trump seems to have learned everything he knows about Asian aggressors from professional wrestling.

Trump’s statement continued: “America will not tolerate devious threats of any kind, whether it be the throwing of salt, knife-edge karate chops, or cheap-shots with a cane while the referee is distracted.”

Sources close to Trump say the president is particularly worried that North Korea might strike with a Bonzai Drop, or even a Michinoku Driver.

Trump recently called off a historic summit with North Korean leadership, reportedly fearing someone might try to “choppy choppy his pee-pee,” according to one source.

North Korea’s state-run media broadcast Kim Jong-un’s response to this allegation, in which he simply replied “Indeed,” though his lips were strangely out-of-sync with the sound of his voice.