mother of all bombs
Helen Bomb, the mother of Adam (inset), plummets toward a mountainous of Afghanistan.

White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer announced at a press conference today that, contrary to media reports stating the US dropped the “mother of all bombs” on Afghanistan, the Air Force actually pummelled insurgents with the Mother of Adam Bomb. 

“Helen Bomb, mother of Adam, is one of the most devastating weapons in our arsenal,” Spicer said. “Even Hitler didn’t drop weapons from airplanes.”

Just like her son, Helen Bomb is a highly radioactive and unexpected, and she poses a major threat to geopolitical “mid-carders” like ISIS, the Iron Sheik, and Muhammad Hassan. 

The Mother of Adam Bomb (who divorced from Adam’s dad, Steve Bomb, in 1991), is part of an ever-growing arsenal of weapons that US President and WWE Hall of Famer Donald Trump is apparently willing to use to distract attention from his tiny hands and vacuous, megalomaniacal personality. 

Other weapons Trump has threatened to use against “places with -stan in their names” include:

  • The Jumping Bomb Angels
  • The Motor City Machine Guns
  • The Smoking Gunns
  • Larry “The Axe” Hennig
  • “Bullet” Bob Armstrong
  • Machine Gun Karl Anderson

If Trump continues to escalate his use of military force, Russia is expected to retaliate with a leg sweep.