nakamura asuka
Donald Trump says the recent success of Shinsuke Nakamura (which he pronounced “Shiny McNamara”) and Asuka (which he pronounced “Ah-soo-kay”) is a “dangerous trend for American wrestling jobs.”

WWE Hall of Famer and US President Donald Trump sparked controversy once again today by demanding “extreme vetting” of wrestlers from Japan, insisting they are “taking wrestling championships away from hard-working American sports-entertainers.”

Trump is referring to the recent Royal Rumble victories of Shinsuke Nakamura and Asuka [SURMAME UNKNOWN], which triggered conspiracy theories among the so-called “alt-right” that Japan is staging a hostile takeover of a beloved American pastime.

“First they start winning our Royal Rumbles, and soon they’ll be winning our Universal Championships, and everyone knows God intended for Americans to be the only true champions of the universe,” said the president.

Added Trump: “Sad bad wrong mad sad bad.”

Japan has its own wrestling leagues, Trump said, “and Japanese wrestlers should stay there, performing for their weirdly respectful audiences.”

Trump is also reportedly “gravely concerned” about the championship reign of Jinder Mahal, whom Trump reportedly said is from “one of the shithole countries, Canada.”