Just days after bestowing the Presidential Medal of Freedom upon heroic truthteller Rush Hussain Limbaugh, WWE Hall of Famer Donald Trump awarded the same prestigious prize to veteran wrestling journalist Dave “Fit” Meltzer.

During a lively campaign rally in rural Dudleyville, Trump heaped praise upon the editor of the Wrestling Observer Newsletter, best known for his majestically magical mullet.

“Dave is, believe me, the only real journalist left — the rest is fake news,” said Trump, a transparent membrane briefly blinking to lubricate his reptilian eyes.

Although the Presidential Medal of Freedom is typically reserved for heroes who elevate society, like Rosa Parks and Mother Teresa, it seems President Trump has expanded the criteria to include self-anointed “journalists” who spin falsehoods to indoctrinate a gullible public.

Sadly, the presentation of the medal — in which Trump’s wife Melina (former manager of tag team MNM) placed the medal over Meltzer’s shoulders — was interrupted by an irate Jim Cornette, who yanked the medal from Meltzer’s neck and scuttled to the rafters, where he reportedly lives on a diet of crickets and rage.

p.s. This is a joke. If you rant angrily online about Metlzer or Cornette — or anything about wrestling, really — the joke is on you. Love you Dave, love you Jim, love all’y’all. KN



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