Not satisfied with simply putting his communications staff in impossible predicaments before firing them, US President Donald Trump is reportedly hoping to take a page from Vince McMahon’s playbook by launching a “Kiss My Ass Club” for disloyal White House employees. 

Trump and McMahon are longtime friends who share similar passions — the accumulation of wealth, the wielding of power, the worship of self — and now Trump is hoping to run his White House similarly to how McMahon helms World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE). 

In 2001, a power-drunk McMahon began demanding that WWE personalities he deemed insubordinate — including William Regal, Jim Ross, Mick Foley and others — kiss his taut, rippling, tan-lined buttocks. 

According to White House insiders, Trump has always admired McMahon for this brazen abuse of power, and hopes to use it to “teach a huge lesson” to White House flunkies like Sean Spicer, Anthony Scaramucci, Michael Flynn, Jeff Sessions, and Reince Priebus. 

Trump and McMahon were once fierce rivals, resulting in a showdown that led to Trump shaving McMahon’s head, rather than McMahon shaving the single, long thread of orange hair that is spun like candy floss around Trump’s empty cranium.