trump fbi
Donald Trump introduces new FBI Chief L. Guido Nunzio to the dishonest media.

Following his sudden dismissal of James Comey as Director of the FBI, US President Donald Trump has appointed a man he says “has the experience, the toughness, and the cajones” for the role, L. Guido Nunzio. 

The new role is familiar territory Nunzio, who was a senior leader in the FBI in the late 1990s and early 2000s alongside Deputy Director Tracy Smothers, Ombudsman Thomas Rich, Counterintelligence Secretary Charles Palumbo, and Cybersecurity Chief Anthony Mamaluke.

At a press conference this morning, Nunzio denied rumors that Comey’s firing was due to an ongoing investigation into Russian interference in the American election, stating instead that Comey was a “struppiau meatball.”

“Donny Trump, he’s my goombah,” said Nunzio during his swearing-in ceremony this morning at a Washington pizzeria. “Russian hacking? Fuggedaboudit.”

According to sources within the White House, President Trump plans to replace Homeland Security Secretary John F. Kelly with a more suitable leader, Sgt. Robert Remus