As tensions continue to escalate between the US and Iran, Canada put its full support behind WWE Hall of Famer and US “President” Donald Trump, with Canadian Prime Minister and Heartbreak Garçon Justin Trudeau promising to send Canadian Destroyers to the Mideast if needed.

Canadian Destroyers are, of course, among the most feared tactical assets in any military arsenal, practically impossible for any victim to withstand or, so to speak, “kick out” of.

The Canadian Destroyer, believed to have been invented by a Mr. Peter E. Williams in the 1930s, is a disorienting and devastating attack in which the aggressor somehow convinces the victim to do a weird backflip headplant thing, with various heads in various crotches… yeahhh, I’ve honestly never quite figured out how it works. The move is so bizarre, science has yet to provide an explanation as to how it is even possible given the known laws of physics.

According to an inside source within the Canadian military, codenamed Capt. Charisma, a fleet of Canadian destroyers would make short work of Iranian counter-defences, such as the Camel Clutch and the Dromedary Drop-toehold.

“But the enemy might be ready for us,” said Capt. Charisma, “because nowadays everybody is using the Canadian goddamn Destroyer.”


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