Cruiserweight classic winner
Wrestling fans were reminded once again that the Cerebral Assassin is always one step ahead.

Although it was purportedly created to showcase the world’s best undiscovered wrestling talent in a high-octane tournament, WWE’s Cruiserweight Classic has been won by its evil mastermind, the dastardly Hunter Hearst Helmsley.

In a Machiavellian act of power-drunk subterfuge, Helmsley entered himself in the second round of the tournament and declared that the winner would be decided by “sudden death” rules.

The Cerebral Assassin quickly delivered his dreaded Pedigree to opponent Zack Sabre Jr. and hoisted the Cruiserweight Classic trophy aloft, his wife Stephanie McMahon cackling maniacally by his side.

“Game overrrrr,” Helsmley growled into the microphone amid a chorus of boos.

Helmsley then delivered a scathing monologue, telling all the tournament competitors to “go back to the indies to do all that flippy-dippy (stuff).”

Helmsley’s cunning sabotage of the tournament is believed to be the set-up for a handicap match at SummerSlam, during which he will face the team of Tyson Dux, Tajiri, Jack Gallagher, Drew Gulak, T.J. Perkins, Tony Nese, Brian Kendrick, Tomasso Ciampa, Johnny Gargano, Cedric Alexander, and the entire roster of Evolve Wrestling.


Enjoy our nonsense? Get a shirt!