10. “Three!”

Nobody likes the number three. Bad things come in threes. Who wants to be a third wheel? It’s a good pinfall number, but a rotten count-out number.

 

9. “One!”

At this point, the referee has only just started counting. Plus, it’s the loneliest number.

 

8. “Seven!”

They say seven is a lucky number, but it’s not terribly lucky if you’ve just been powerbombed through the Spanish commentary table.

 

7. “Five”

So middle-of-the-road. At this point, most fans have lost interest in the match and are googling porn.

 

6. “Four!”

At this point, the referee holds up two fingers on each hand, which looks like he is flashing the double “peace” sign like Richard Nixon. So that’s kinda fun.

 

5. “Six!”

This one ranks at the middle of the pack. It still comes during the middle doldrums of a countout, but it’s got the letter x in it, which is kind of cool.

 

4. “Eight!”

Tension is building at this point? Will the wrestler get back into the ring? Yes. Ninety-nine percent of the time he will.

 

3. “Nine!”

At this point, wrestlers tend to miraculously roll back into the ring, thus averting a countout decision.

 

2. “Two!”

Wrestling fans love yelling “twooooo.” Wrestling fans love yelling. Sometimes they should just shut up, though, amirite?

 

1. “Ten!”

When the referee gets to this number — on those extremely rare and disappointing occasions when a match ends with a countout — the bell goes ding-ding! Everybody loves a good bell-ringing.

 

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