TNA six-sided ring
An artist’s conception depicts the no-sided ring, although the real thing will likely be more of an amorphous blob.

In its ongoing struggle for relevancy in an industry monopolized by its much-larger competitor, Total Nonstop Action (TNA) Wrestling announced today its plan to “shake things up” by switching to a no-sided ring.

The company is asking fans to vote online for their favorite option, between TNA’s original six-sided ring, its current four-sided ring, or the “innovative” new no-sided ring.

The poll, like all such polls in professional wrestling, is of course a sham, and the company intends to debut the no-sided ring on next week’s broadcast of Impact Wrestling regardless of the voting results.

Industry insiders believe the real motivation behind introducing the no-sided ring is purely monetary, as the company will save hundreds of dollars per year on ring ropes.

The new ring is rumored to be unpopular among most TNA talent, particularly among the high-flying wrestlers of the company’s X-Division, because they rely so heavily on maneuvers that utilize the ropes as springboards.

The vast majority of wrestling fans, however, are not expected to notice a difference, because they stopped watching TNA during the Claire Lynch saga.