A man claiming to have “come unstuck in time” claims he is from the year 2047, where life is “drastically and tragically different” than present day, except that Roman Reigns is still World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) Champion.
The purported time traveller, Billy Pilgrim, has described an apocalyptic future of climate disasters and cultural breakdown, but he mainly wants to talk about wrestling.
“The world of the future is a dystopian nightmarish hellscape, but at least Roman is still champ,” he said. “It’s comforting.”
Among Pilgrim’s revelations about professional wrestling 25 years into the future:
- The cryogenically preserved brain, head and grapefruits of Vince McMahon control WWE from an underground facility two miles beneath New Dallas (formerly Stamford, CT).
- Monday Night Raw is broadcast weekly from the WWE TerraDome on Mars, with competitors ferried to and from Earth by a shuttle created by billionaire tech mogul and global thought-leader Ryan Reeves
- Ric Flair wrestled 19 more retirement matches before finally just re-joining the active WWE roster in 2044; he holds the WWE Intergalactic Championship in 2047.
- Wrestling fans in 2047 still chant “What?!” all the time like a bunch of imbeciles