Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know today is a very important day in America.
That’s right, today is the 10-year anniversary of Christopher Daniels winning the X-Division Championship by defeating Chris Sabin and AJ Styles in a Three-Way Dance at an Impact Wrestling taping in Florida.
Somewhat less importantly, but still noteworthy, today is also the US Midterm Elections, which could drastically alter the political landscape for the global superpower/laughingstock, the United States of America.
But what exactly are the midterm elections? To get you “smart” to “the business,” we created a handy guide that even Eugene could understand.
Think of the Mid-term Elections like a WWE Superstar Shake-Up: there will still be a Raw (red) team, and a Smackdown (blue) team afterward, but only the US voters will decide which superstars main-event pay-per-views and which ham-and-eggers jerk the curtain at inconsequential house shows.
Why are the US Mid-term Elections happening now?
WWE Hall of Famer Donald Trump has now been “president” for two years, even though he has not shaved the head of a single political nemesis (and his closest ally, Vladimir Putin, was already bald).
In the Mid-Term Elections, Americans will not vote for Trump — just as the majority of them did not do so two years ago — but they will instead vote for members of the House of Representatives and the Senate, collectively known as Congress.
Think of the House of Representatives like the Raw roster, and the Senate as the Smackdown roster, and Congress as the entire locker room of WWE Superstars.
Currently, both houses are controlled by the Republican Party, which is basically the McMahon family, except somehow with even fewer scruples.
The Mid-term Elections could transfer some power to the Democratic Party — which, depending on your viewpoint, is either the inspirational Daniel Bryan of politics fighting against the odds to restore decency and equality, or the immoral Val Venis of politics, abusing children in the basement of a pizza restaurant.
What’s at stake?
Remember when Donald Trump “bought” WWE for a week, and stock prices plummeted and chaos ensued and the company had to immediately backpedal and claim it was all just a big mistake?
Think of the Mid-term Elections as an opportunity for an entire country to do the same.
How are winners and losers decided?
Remember when you voted for which type of weapon you wanted to see used in the match between Kane and Snitsky at Taboo Tuesday, and you voted for “Lead Pipe,” but the majority of votes went to “Steel Chain,” but it didn’t really matter because Snitksy ended up using a steel chair to win the match, regardless of what the votes determined?
It’s kinda like that.
So what does voting actually determine?
Unlike polls on the WWE app, this election actually kind of matters.
Democrats hope to win a majority of “seats” (or “angles”) by in the House of Representatives by convincing the American public (or “bookers”) that their storylines will be the most “over” with America.
The election will determine the fate of all 435 seats, which is basically like the PWI 500 of American politics, but there aren’t enough “workers” in politics to make a full list of 500.
Democrats need to claim 23 seats from the Republicans to win the house, which is entirely possible, considering Knox County Mayor Kane Jacobs-Bearer has singlehandedly eliminated 44 opponents from the Royal Rumble, which is a decidedly more difficult task.
In the Senate, 35 out of 100 seats are being contested. Think of it like “spots” on the main roster, with 35 members of NXT waiting for their chance to knock some past-his-prime relic onto the indy scene.
So who is going to win?
One must believe that, in the long run, the babyfaces always win. WWE Hall of Famer Donald Trump, who also happens to occasionally visit the Oval Office, has historically low approval ratings, or “X-Pac Heat.”
Who knows what the American public will do at the polls, however, because they — much like wrestling fans who still chant “What?!” — are not known for their intelligence or progressive views.
Who should I vote for?