Pro wrestling midterms
The US midterm elections are expected to go as smoothly and peacefully as a typical in-ring contract signing.

This coming Tuesday, November 9, is a very important date in our collective history. It is the 25th anniversary of the infamous Montreal Screwjob, in which Bret Hart suffered an upset clean loss to Shawn Michaels. 

Also, somewhat less important, Nov. 9 is the date of the 2022 US midterm elections. 

American politics can be confusing, especially since WWE Hall of Famer Donald Trump served as “president” for four chaotic years, and claims that his 2020 loss to Samoa Joe Biden was itself a screwjob. 

The midterms this year could be the Umaga that Trump needs to defeat the Lashley of the democrats, and America could once again get its proverbial head shaved by buffoon with more facial makeup than Brother Love. 

But how to the US midterms actually work? Pretty much exactly like wrestling. 

To help you get you “smart” to “the business,” we created a handy election guide that even Eugene could understand.

What are the midterm elections?

Think of the midterm elections like a WWE Superstar Shake-Up: there will still be a Raw (red) team, and a Smackdown (blue) team afterward, but only the US voters will decide which superstars main-event pay-per-views and which ham-and-eggers jerk the curtain at inconsequential house shows.

The midterms are sometimes considered a referendum of the current administration, which right now has a terrible approval rating, like WWF President Jack Tunney after Bobby Heenan (with Bob Woodward) exposed Tunney as being “on the take.”

But Americans do vote for president in midterms; rather, they’ll will instead vote for members of the House of Representatives and the Senate, collectively known as Congress.

Think of the House of Representatives like the Raw roster, and the Senate as the Smackdown roster, and Congress as the entire locker room of WWE Superstars (for the sake of this metaphor, we’ll pretend NXT does not exist, just like Vince McMahon). 

What’s at stake?

Remember when Donald Trump “bought” WWE for a week, and stock prices plummeted and chaos ensued and the company had to immediately backpedal and claim it was all just a big mistake?

Think of the midterm elections as an opportunity for an entire country to do the same.

How are winners and losers decided?

Remember when you voted for which type of weapon you wanted to see used in the match between Kane and Snitsky at Taboo Tuesday, and you voted for “Lead Pipe,” but the majority of votes went to “Steel Chain,” but it didn’t really matter because Snitksy ended up using a steel chair to win the match, regardless of what the votes determined?

It’s kinda like that.

So what does voting actually determine? 

Unlike polls on the WWE App, this election actually kind of matters.

Whichever roster wins a majority of “seats” (or “angles”) by in the House of Representatives by convincing the American public (or “bookers”) that their storylines will be the most be the most “over.”

Many Republican candidates, however, are actively trying to overthrow the democratic process and will surely declare victory no matter how many votes they receive, thus lying, cheating and stealing their way to a Guerrero-like underhanded victory. 

Why do the midterms matter? 

Midterms are to presidential elections what Royal Rumble is on the Road to WrestleMania.

Midterms help determine the roster, the characters, the feuds, the storylines, and the vapid celebrity appearances that will shape the biggest show of all in 2024. 

Could a WWE Hall of Famer once again become president of the United States? 

We can only hope that Ricky Steamboat enters the race. 

 

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